Pomegranates

I miss the sun on my face and its warmth

Warm feels different now

I can still imagine the light heat of its rays as it shines down

Far different from the intensifying heat that is now surrounding me

By his intense presence and heat

That makes my body feel alive in new ways

How could my life change this much

in only a matter of months?

I wanted to go –

Had to go

I was bound till he found me

Bound to my mother

To the earths beauty

But never myself

He helped me find myself

But it only came from the dark – his darkness

It calls to me a new feeling that has been ebbing

Far longer than I care to admit

This feeling inside me would usually fade

But it hasn’t –

not in a long time

Shouting and warmth were all I’ve ever known

But I didn’t know they could feel different depending on who it is

Smothering

or

Loving

Out of the darkness I feel my choice burning me alive

My mom?

Hard, domineering, and strict or him

who claims to love me

but put me in this never-ending darkness –

She brings depression along with the light of the sun

But he promises the passion of the dark and his unrelenting obsessive love

He’s promised me everything with pomegranates

All it would take is a few seeds and

I would never have to leave –

How long have I been here

How many days

with no contact to people but three

They provide the comfort of the sun I’m desperate for

I HAVE to get out of here

Or do I

Visions of spring are now just a dream

Its bright colors have now died to be dull and cold

He can’t keep me forever, but the question then becomes

will I see the sun once more

or stay in his twisted love