Seat at the Table

I am betrayed by my own naivety

Dread's shadow circles my periphery

The hound with heaven on its back

The stick that beats him away is the stick my hand

lacks

I am reaching for something held above my head

Spinning like a marionette, my fingers skim the thread

I track bad memories in through the kitchen

Fists hot at my side as I'm scolded into submission

I am tied to my own naivety

My legs are strong and sturdy

But they're belted to my seat

A fighter, a killer, a child with muddy feet

When will I start asking favours?

When will I have to stop?

Is love something I savour?

Or what I trade, spend, and swap?

Does it matter if I'm kind to animals?

If my heart aches for my friends?

If it doesn't carry weight on the board

Will it leave me bare in the end?

Older men look at me with weary eyes

My choked scream away from their demise

I hover by desks, a moth drawn to heat

A fighter, a killer, a girl with sharp teeth

Will my process be passed over?

Will my vocation be all but naught?

Am I pinned to the dish of my birthrights?

Do I eat in worship of the flies and the rot?

The knees meant to carry me

Are planted firmly in the ground

The faithless curve of my spine

These prayer-less lips without sound

Am I killing for their crumbs?

Is there a chair at the table somewhere for me?

Is anything truly promised for

A fighter, a killer, a monster of complacency

I'm seated at the table

I'm drowning in the blinds

I'm waiting for improbable hands

To slide in front of hungry eyes

My breath catches to the crack of the break

I'm racking up the debris of my pleasures

I'm itching to scratch out of habit

There is no hope now, I'll be here forever

Fatigue holds my shoulders steady

The devil shakes my hands endlessly

Ensnared by the jaws of self-indulged prophecy

A figher, a killer, Go, won't you relinquish me?

A fighter, a killer, a child with muddy feet

A figher, a killer, a girl with sharp teeth

A fighter, a killer, a monster of complacency

A fighter, a killer, God, won't you relinquish me